The Finish Line

...So near!

I don't know whether I should be feeling sad or happy.

I feel like I've spent such a long time studying in UM.

My years as an undergraduate sailed by fairly easily. Then, without even properly noticing that three years had already passed, I graduated.

Not really knowing what I was putting myself into, I went straight back to school as soon as I had completed my final exams. It made sense, as it's something I should naturally be doing on my way to actually getting the job I want. But this fourth year, what with all the high expectations, multiple deadlines, feeling like I should be somewhere else doing something else, more expectations, and lots and lots of wracking my brains out... This year just felt too long.

I don't think anyone's ever seen me go through so many mood swings as I have these past five months, and I apologize to those who had to witness them! There were times when I hated myself for not fulfilling my own expectations, for comparing myself to other people, for failing to do something extraordinary already. There were times when I felt so trapped, like I had been sucked into this dark hole where I couldn't really do anything except just dwell on negativity. And then I'd hate myself for doing that, too.

I know my course mates who have stood by (or sat next to) me for the past four years may feel the same, and I need to acknowledge now how thankful I am that I have these wonderful, intelligent, beautiful people with me. I've mentioned it before in a previous post, but I honestly don't think I could have gone through all this and still remain sane without them. They may not know this, but they've helped me get over all those dark, negative thoughts I had about myself.

I guess all those difficult bits are all part and parcel of being an MA student, so I shouldn't really be complaining. But I sure am proud of everyone who has survived.

And here's a congratulations to you, dear friends who have been riding this same slow ship across uncharted waters for the past 4 years with me! For staying sane, for working your asses off and excelling, for surviving, and for being all-round wonderful to silly old me...

I still don't know whether I'm sad or happy that lectures and coursework are finally over (because while deadlines, stress and expectations can turn my brain completely topsy-turvy, the adrenaline rush, the challenges, the literature, and that feeling I get when I'm writing an essay and ideas and words just rush out spontaneously are what keep my mind moving, and that's what I absolutely live for!)...

But I do know that I'll miss you to bits! ♥

(Steph, hope you don't mind my stealing your photo!
That's a lot of tired-looking faces, by the way.
Photo taken on the last day of the sem.)

(Another stolen photo... Thanks, Steph!)

And who knows? I might just find myself going in for another round of studying after I've completed this one. Hahah. I must be a masochist. We'll see.



Lots of love.


ps: We've still got our final exams, though! We can do this!
pps: Oh yeah, and we've got our dissertations to start, too! I hope writing it will be a pleasant experience!